I am starting a post today on my relationship with my ego. I don't want to label things good or bad because they are what they are, but maybe if I could honestly disect this with myself I can work through some things that bother me and effect the way I live my life.
My ego is not who I really am. My ego is the part of me that wants to be bigger, or less than myself and everyone around me. It wants to be the center, interpreting everything through its filter of how things fit its view.

What does it feel like to feel powerless?

Fear clutches the contents of days

Empty, hollow, shells of moments

held together by seconds of holding breath

waiting for a sign, is this okay?


What does it feel like to own your own life?

Fear loses it's grip

a damn cracks, spilling the contents of stopped passion

moments of real pain and

the movement of breath

which finally release the power to create.

Free!!!!!!!!!!!!!

non judgement, non resistance, non attatchment

Sam
'We want love to be all powerful all the time-we do not offer it the chance to learn, to stumble, to recognize itself, to grow into itself, to understand and become itself."

Eckhart Tolle
"The underlying emotion that governs all the activity of the ego is fear. Fear of being nobody, the fear of nonexistence, the fear of death....Once you realize and accept that all structures are unstable, even the seemingly solid material ones, peace arises within you. This is because the recognition of impermanence of all forms awakens you to the dimension of the formless within yourself, that which is beyond death. Jesus called it eternal life.

Daniel 12:2
And many of them that sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life......

Eve(Zelophehad's Daughters)
It is this God who never ceases to call me, not with a pity that would release me, but with the compassion that ever demands of me a deeper, more human, more divine life....."

These are things on my mind today. Struggling to reach past the constricting ego which wants to define self and experience in such narrow terms.

We have broken snow globes all over the house. I keep asking myself why we have so many globes of illusion constanly flowing through our lives. They look so lovely, delicately displayed visions of capturing everything good in life and keeping it all safe inside the shinning glass. Problem is it isn't what it seems. One wrong motion and the framer of something beautiful becomes hundreds of sharp pieces capable of causing pain, while the delicate scene is left naked in the real world of unprotected limitlessness.




shake it again and the magic stays inside
the glass bubble, recreating the magic. Over and over-
so safe and predictable.

Wait - Alexi Murdoch

This is my current favorite Alexi song. So much of what he sings describes so well stages in my spiritual jouney. It helps to know your not alone in your sufferings and yearnings.

Shattered realities

Little splinters of what I once thought the world was continue to swirl around and around, when they cross my path I get stabhed. I feel the cold blood of a world lost and broken, trickling over my head and through my eyes. The wound is fresh again and I can't see through the film of red, pain is all there is. I yearn for a reality that doesn't define everything, that doesn't bind me small in packages of perception. Where are the magic words to dissolve the lines and make everything whole? Maybe some of the splinters will become a part of something much bigger. Something organic and alive instead of rigid and strong.

passion

"This world is a cemetary, it is filled with corpses. For this reason, the Lord set the world on fire so that the dead might awaken and spirits might be set free. And now the fire burns, and we tend it so that it might burn brightly, and we dance within the fire, for we are on fire with the spirit of Yahweh. If you seek the annointed, you seek the fire, and when you are utterly burnt away you will rejoice in the True Light." The Gospel of Mary--oral tradition